Dirty Laundry...

I never really felt like I fit in with my family. When I was little, I remember telling my aunt that I felt more comfortable at her house than I did my own. As soon as I could, I was so ready to move out!

I got a 6 night a week gig when I was 18 that allowed me to save up enough money to buy a vehicle and get my first apartment, because my parents, though able, refused to help me in the slightest financially. My mother would have, but my father was adamant that I do it on my own. He didn't want me to move out because he wanted me to live at home forever, so he made it as hard on me as possible. It's a very strange fantasy that he had. My brother, Matt, who is turning 30 this year, still lives at home and has never had a real job. You can imagine how that's worked out for him.

My dad & I argued all the time before I left, resulting in him angrily slapping me across the face at one point. I talked to a counselor and shared what my home life was like and she urged me to leave as soon as I possibly could. That's all I needed to hear! I haven't been "home" since.

After I left, my dad directed his anger towards Carl for "taking me away", even threatening to kill him if he ever stepped foot on his property. Carl's never been anything but wonderful to me, he's everything a father-in-law should be proud of!

I haven't been able to have a relationship with my dad for about 8 years now due to him sending me mile-long hateful emails telling me what a horrible person I am, calling me things like "shameful & pathetic" and "an ungrateful brat, at best", so I finally had to break off all contact. For my own sanity.

Even after being chided by him for so many years, I know the things he said aren't true. IMHO, most parents would be glad to have me as their daughter.

His last series of insane emails contained dozens of photos of young girls he's "dating". All of them appeared to be around my age or younger (he's 66) and to this he said, "My thinking is this. Matt gives me everything I need or want, except for sex. So I won't marry unless she thrills me every time I look at her."

ewwwwww!!!

I am incredibly lucky to have a husband that loves me unconditionally. Who supports me and believes in me. I always wanted that from my family and still do, but have accepted that it won't happen.

So I've learned to fully appreciate friends who accept me as I am and live my life with a full heart and an open mind.