Shower Power...
Our bathroom is a danger zone right now. It's almost like Kenny Loggins was here.
My worst fear is that someone will drop in unexpectedly for a visit and then ask to use our potty. I would have to tell them it's broken and point them to a tree outside. Maybe offer them a plastic container. Obviously they could keep it, like a to-go container of sorts.
You might be thinking that I could be cleaning it instead of blogging about it, but do you even know what I'd be getting rid of??? I'm considering leaving it this way and once it gets to its peak of perfection, start charging people for private viewings.
-I would estimate there is a full head of hair on the floor. If the hair were a representation of a Seinfeld character, it wouldn't be as thick as Elaine's and not as thin a George's. It would be Jerry. And since I use a little spritz to keep things in place sometimes, the head fur is plastered to the tile. Not something you could just "sweep" up like a good little housewife.
-My missing mane has also taken over the shower. I lose a lot of locks when I'm shampooing and have the nasty habit of sticking them to the walls in our bathing zone. Pretty much all sides are covered in a decorative array of tresses and I'm starting to see shapes in it now like you might in a creepy horror movie..."the answer is in the split ends, my indigo child." I found an abstract character taking shape the other day and pointed it out to Carl. Unfortunately, it wasn't Jesus or Mary, so my dreams of making millions on Ebay were dashed quickly.
-There's nothing particularly interesting about the grubby mirror or toilet. I'm just a messy toothbrusher...I get really into it, so it splatters sometimes. That's what she said. And the commode just needs an average fondling right now...
-But, then there's the shower curtain. Holy crap. It's taken on a life of its own. Is that brownish gunk that grows on it some sort of mold? Or mildew. I should Google the difference. This mystery substance is so raunchy!!!! And it's gotten so bad that there are only specific "safe zones" that I can touch. I honestly don't know what I would do if one of my appendages accidentally made contact with it. AAAAHHH!!! Gives me the eebie jeebies. Dear god, what if it touched my FACE?? I would certainly have to scrub with acetone and gasoline and horseradish. Maybe I'd get one of those full face transplants or lock myself in a room, grow my toenails, and pee in jars like Howard Hughes. You see how serious this is. Let's hope it never happens.
Anybody feel like stopping by for a visit?? No?
My worst fear is that someone will drop in unexpectedly for a visit and then ask to use our potty. I would have to tell them it's broken and point them to a tree outside. Maybe offer them a plastic container. Obviously they could keep it, like a to-go container of sorts.
You might be thinking that I could be cleaning it instead of blogging about it, but do you even know what I'd be getting rid of??? I'm considering leaving it this way and once it gets to its peak of perfection, start charging people for private viewings.
-I would estimate there is a full head of hair on the floor. If the hair were a representation of a Seinfeld character, it wouldn't be as thick as Elaine's and not as thin a George's. It would be Jerry. And since I use a little spritz to keep things in place sometimes, the head fur is plastered to the tile. Not something you could just "sweep" up like a good little housewife.
-My missing mane has also taken over the shower. I lose a lot of locks when I'm shampooing and have the nasty habit of sticking them to the walls in our bathing zone. Pretty much all sides are covered in a decorative array of tresses and I'm starting to see shapes in it now like you might in a creepy horror movie..."the answer is in the split ends, my indigo child." I found an abstract character taking shape the other day and pointed it out to Carl. Unfortunately, it wasn't Jesus or Mary, so my dreams of making millions on Ebay were dashed quickly.
-There's nothing particularly interesting about the grubby mirror or toilet. I'm just a messy toothbrusher...I get really into it, so it splatters sometimes. That's what she said. And the commode just needs an average fondling right now...
-But, then there's the shower curtain. Holy crap. It's taken on a life of its own. Is that brownish gunk that grows on it some sort of mold? Or mildew. I should Google the difference. This mystery substance is so raunchy!!!! And it's gotten so bad that there are only specific "safe zones" that I can touch. I honestly don't know what I would do if one of my appendages accidentally made contact with it. AAAAHHH!!! Gives me the eebie jeebies. Dear god, what if it touched my FACE?? I would certainly have to scrub with acetone and gasoline and horseradish. Maybe I'd get one of those full face transplants or lock myself in a room, grow my toenails, and pee in jars like Howard Hughes. You see how serious this is. Let's hope it never happens.
Anybody feel like stopping by for a visit?? No?
posted by Beth Miner @ 10:27 PM
2 Comments:
At March 26, 2009 at 1:22 PM ,
Anonymous said...
Hahahahahaha. I am familiar with this bathroom. I have one just like it at my house on occasion.
I just direct guests to the gas station bathroom, down the street. It's cleaner. :)
At March 30, 2009 at 1:59 AM ,
Beth Miner said...
ha! Thanks, Mel, for making me feel like there are other awesome bathrooms out there. :) BTW, I cleaned it tonight. No one wanted to pay for a tour.
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